August 9, 2009

Wait for sex and marriage? Evangelicals conflicted

by Eric Gorski
The Associated Press

When Margie and Stephen Zumbrun were battling the urge to have premarital sex, a pastor counseled them to control themselves. The couple signed a purity covenant.

Then, when the two got engaged and Margie went wedding dress shopping, a salesperson called her "the bride who looks like she's 12." Nonchurch friends said that, at 22, she was rushing things.

The agonizing message to a young Christian couple in love: Sex can wait, but so can marriage.

"It's unreasonable to say, 'Don't do anything … and wait until you have degrees and you're in your 30s to get married,'" said Margie Zumbrun, who did wait for sex, and married Stephen fresh out of Purdue University. "I think that's just inviting people to have sex and feel like they're bad people for doing it."

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via pewforum.org

What makes this so much harder today than it used to be?

I understand that people have been having sex outside of marriage for centuries, but it seems that in our times, the practice has become more prevalent and socially acceptable.

The author suggests that the church gives mixed messages that create lose-lose scenarios. I would suggest that society is giving a message that sets people up for failure. The message is that we must give in to our urges.

If urges must be fulfilled, there are many that will result in chaos, violence, and very poor decisions.

If waiting for something positive, fulfilling, and wonderful is impossible, then every form of delayed gratification is abandoned and people take the first item on every menu of life.

I see no reason to discourage marriage for 22 year old couples who have prepared themselves adequately.

Neither do I see anything harmful in teaching young people to delay their sexual urges for their intended purposes.

What if this very act of waiting for something natural and gratifying trains people to wait for the best in other areas of life? What if sexual abstinence is a school of success where people learn to spend more wisely, invest in long term goals, and deprive themselves of immediate pleasure for the the sake of a future pay-off?

Perhaps the older wisdom here is the wiser wisdom.